Staring at the C

I spelled “besieged” – “beseiged”.  I forgot the rule.

I and E behave differently when C is around.  C walks into the word like he owns the place, and anything that follows is somehow changed, a little bit skittish and uncertain.  Vowels switch places, as if they’re scared, because nobody wants to stand next to him. C’s like a big tough guy, in a bad suit one size too small, and Ray-Ban sunglasses.  Tapping a baseball bat against his leg.  Waiting.

E could probably fight him off, if E chose to.  E is popular, always surrounded by other letters (unlike “I” or “A”), and there’s safety in numbers.  For some reason, though, E often chooses to remain silent.

Q is rarely around, but he and “U” are inseparable.  I wonder what will happen if Q ever finds out that sometimes, late at night when Q’s asleep, U has been seen mingling with other consonants.  Perhaps they have an open relationship.

The tyranny of C must be stopped.  Every once in a while, he gets out of line.  Someone needs to take C aside someday, and explain to him, patiently but firmly.

Someone should say, hey, get with the program, C.  There’s rules.  We can always have you replaced, you know, with “K” or “S”.


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